Thriving With ADHD

From Missed to Seen: Changing the Story for Girls With ADHD

• Animo Sano Psychiatry • Season 4 • Episode 2

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Welcome to Thriving with ADHD, dear ADHD community! 🌟
In this powerful episode, we shine a light on a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention — girls with ADHD. Many girls are still overlooked or misdiagnosed, their symptoms dismissed as daydreaming, anxiety, or perfectionism. Today, we explore why this happens and how parents, teachers, and clinicians can recognize and support these girls earlier.

Our guest, Cynthia Hammer, is the Executive Director of the Inattentive ADHD Coalition and founder of FINDtheADHDgirls.org After receiving her own ADHD diagnosis later in life, Cynthia has dedicated her career to changing the story for girls with inattentive ADHD. Through her advocacy, writing, and public speaking, she empowers families and professionals to see the signs sooner—so that girls don’t have to wait decades for understanding and support.

In this conversation, we discuss:

  • Why girls with ADHD are often missed or misunderstood
  • The subtle signs parents and teachers should watch for
  • Practical steps to take if you suspect a girl may have ADHD
  • How Cynthia’s new resource, FINDtheADHDgirls.org, helps educators, clinicians, and families take action
  • The importance of early diagnosis in shaping self-esteem and long-term well-being

Cynthia also shares insights from her new book, Letters to My Younger Self, written by 22 women diagnosed later in life—a heartfelt gift to the ADHD community this Awareness Month. This inspiring collection belongs in the hands of every educator, clinician, and parent of a young girl who might be wondering if ADHD could be part of her story.

🎧 Tune in to learn how we can all play a part in helping girls with ADHD be seen, supported, and set up to thrive.

Thank you for listening to Thriving with ADHD. This show is produced by Animo Sano Psychiatry. For more information about our clinic, please visit animosanopsychiatry.com.

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Thriving with ADHD – Thriving with ADHD - From Missed to Seen: Changing the Story

[Opening clip]
A child with ADHD can be getting very good grades in school and still have ADHD. So, we need to look beyond that surface level and ask: How does her life go when she gets home from school? How is she with her friends? How is her life going in general?

[Intro]
Welcome to Thriving with ADHD, a podcast where we share everyday practical tips to thrive in life as an adult with ADHD.
This podcast is brought to you by Animo Sano Psychiatry, a behavioral health practice with a specialized ADHD clinic based in North Carolina.
And this is your host, Nada.
Welcome to Thriving with ADHD.

Nada:
Dear ADHD community, today we are diving into a topic that doesn’t get enough attention — girls with ADHD. We’ll explore why many girls are overlooked, how subtle signs like daydreaming or anxiety can be missed, and what parents, teachers, and clinicians can do to support them early.

Our guest speaker is Cynthia Hammer, Executive Director of the Inattentive ADHD Coalition and founder of FindtheADHDGirls.org.

After receiving her own ADHD diagnosis later in life, Cynthia became passionate about ensuring girls don’t go undiagnosed for decades, as she did. Through her nonprofit work, writing, and public speaking, she advocates for early ADHD identification, education, and support — so that girls and their families can thrive.

Welcome back to the podcast, Cynthia! I’m so happy to have you here again. I know how passionate you are about inattentive ADHD — and ADHD in girls in particular — so I’m thrilled to have you share your insights, resources, and practical advice on this important issue.

Cynthia:
Nice to be back with you, Nada.

Why Girls Are Often Overlooked

Nada:
Many listeners know that boys are diagnosed with ADHD more often than girls. Can we talk about some of the unique challenges that quiet, non-disruptive girls face when being diagnosed with ADHD?

Cynthia:
First, before I forget, I want to explain that girls more commonly have the inattentive type of ADHD. That means they’re more dreamy, flaky, maybe low-energy or shy. They can look like the opposite of the hyperactive combined type. But — and this is important — there are also girls who have the combined type.

The thing is, even girls with combined-type ADHD feel so much societal pressure to act a certain way that they suppress their high energy. I talked to one woman who used to bite the inside of her cheek just to remind herself to stay in her seat. There’s a lot of pressure to be the quiet, non-disruptive girl — to mask your behavior and fit that stereotype.

Because inattentive girls aren’t disruptive in class, they’re less likely to be identified. In fact, they can even be the teacher’s pet because they’re so eager to please. But their inattentive symptoms are subtle — not one big clue, but a lot of small ones. Teachers and parents need to act like detectives and piece those clues together:

  • Does she often look out the window?
  • When I call on her, does she seem lost or unaware of what’s happening?
  • Does she forget to do the back side of her homework sheet or forget to write her name?
  • Is she losing homework or talking to classmates just to figure out what page we’re on?

All these small behaviors might indicate something deeper going on.

To get a fuller picture, I really recommend visiting our website and completing the questionnaire developed specifically for girls around age seven. We worked with physicians and psychologists to create this checklist, based on the DSM and the DIVA, and it highlights the common behaviors in girls with ADHD.

What Parents and Teachers Can Do

Nada:
That’s so helpful. Besides the questionnaire, what other first steps can teachers or parents take if they suspect a girl is struggling or showing signs of ADHD?

Cynthia:
There’s a balance between rushing to judgment and waiting too long. It depends how long you’ve been suspecting and what’s been done so far.

When you first suspect ADHD, start by implementing strategies that help any child with ADHD:

  • Post schedules and routines where she can see them.
  • Keep a structured home environment.
  • Make sure she gets regular meals, good exercise, and enough sleep.

If you’ve tried these things and she’s still struggling, that’s the time to seek an evaluation. You’ve done all you can — now it’s time for professional assessment and possibly considering medication.

I also encourage parents to keep data. If you use our checklist, you can track behaviors and bring that to the doctor instead of just saying, “I’m worried.” For example:

  • “At night, I have to remind her eight times before she gets into pajamas.”
  • “When we do homework together, she gets it — but the next day she’s forgotten everything.”

The more concrete examples you have, the more helpful it is for the clinician.

The Website and Repository

Nada:
You mentioned your website — FindtheADHDGirls.org — which includes a repository. What inspired you to create that, and how does it build on your work with inattentive ADHD?

Cynthia:
We realized that to educate more people about ADHD in young girls, we needed high-quality, professionally written materials — and we wanted to make them free.

Parents can access excellent information to help their daughters, and professionals can use our materials as handouts. They can even add their own contact info and share them freely.

Nada:
That’s fantastic. Can you walk us through how professionals, educators, and parents can use these resources?

Cynthia:
Sure. Our website includes several parts:

  • The checklist – for parents, educators, and professionals to recognize behaviors.
  • A blog – with in-depth articles parents can read.
  • A resource section – linking to books and videos from other reputable sources.
  • The repository – where our materials live: handouts, carousels, infographics, and slideshows.

For educators, we include practical classroom tips: sit the child up front, break tasks into smaller chunks, give movement breaks, provide transition time, and use subtle signals to keep her on track.

We’ve also written a book called Letters to Our Young Selves. It includes letters from 22 women diagnosed late in life, describing how going undiagnosed affected them. Parents, teachers, and clinicians can all benefit from reading it — it shows that undiagnosed ADHD can have a serious lifelong impact.

Stories from “Letters to Our Young Selves”

Nada:
Could you share a little sneak peek from the book?

Cynthia:
Yes. During October, if you go to FindtheADHDGirls.org and register for the repository, you’ll get free access to Letters to Our Young Selves — available as a PDF, digital book, or audiobook.

I wrote one of the letters myself, but honestly, it took me a while to read the others. They’re emotional. Many women wrote about how not knowing about their ADHD was harder than having ADHD itself.

One woman wanted to be a doctor but doubted her abilities and became a veterinarian instead. Others spent years in therapy trying to understand why they struggled, yet their ADHD went unnoticed — they were told it was just anxiety or depression.

That misunderstanding caused so much unnecessary suffering.

Changing the Conversation

Nada:
How do you hope your resources will impact the broader conversation about ADHD and help with earlier diagnosis and support?

Cynthia:
That’s what motivates me most. We run a program called Committed Partners. These are women (and some men) who agree to do something significant every quarter to reach more people and educate them about ADHD in young girls.

Our goal is to grow this network to 50, then 100 active partners. Together, we strategize and share resources.

We want to change the narrative: you’re not “late-diagnosed” just because you found out at 50 — you’re late-diagnosed if you weren’t identified before age eight. That’s when early diagnosis should happen.

The Role of Schools and Clinicians

Nada:
Before we wrap up, what can mental health professionals and schools do to prevent girls from falling through the cracks?

Cynthia:
If professionals in schools could just learn this one thing — that a child with ADHD can get excellent grades and still have ADHD — it would make a huge difference.

We need to look beyond grades. Ask:

  • How is she doing emotionally?
  • How are her friendships?
  • How is she functioning at home?

Not diagnosing is a serious issue. If we can get educators and clinicians to look deeper and take that seriously, we’ll help so many more girls.

Connecting with Cynthia

Nada:
Thank you, Cynthia. You mentioned your website and the book — how else can people connect with you or follow your work?

Cynthia:
We’re on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram under Find the ADHD Girls. Following and sharing our posts really helps — the more people share, the more visibility we get.

Nada:
Absolutely. Every share helps spread such an important message.

Before we close — if there’s one thing you’d like listeners to take away, what would it be?

Cynthia:
When I was diagnosed, I realized my son’s pediatrician had likely noticed my ADHD but never mentioned it. That made me angry later — because awareness matters.

So, if you ever suspect a girl might have ADHD, say something. Bring it up with her parents or teacher. Awareness can change her entire life.

Nada:
Beautifully said. Knowing what’s going on can help girls reach their full potential instead of struggling in silence.

Thank you so much, Cynthia, for sharing your experience, passion, and resources. I hope this conversation helps more people recognize and support girls with ADHD.

Cynthia:
Thank you. I’m so glad to see your organization focusing more on children — that’s wonderful.

Nada:
Yes, we’re expanding our child and adolescent psychiatric services with new programs and providers, and partnering with schools and counselors. Exciting things ahead!

Thank you again, Cynthia. I look forward to having you back soon to talk more about inattentive ADHD and helping girls thrive.

[Outro]
Thank you for listening to Thriving with ADHD.
This show is produced by Animo Sano Psychiatry.
Please follow, rate, or share our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other streaming app of your choice.
Music by Dadis Music from Pixabay.
For more information, visit AnimoSanoPsychiatry.com.

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